2007年11月29日 星期四
The cold weather
Today’s weather is windy and rainy; it let me feel cold and cold very much. The weather station said that there is a typhoon, so these days will rain a lot and become colder than before. Actually, I don’t like winter, as I felt cold anytime. Especially, when there will be a cold air mass, I hate it very much. I like hot weather rather than cold weather. Although I will feel hot in summer but I can turn on an air condition to let me more comfortable. I hope this year’s winter won’t take too long. I nearly can’t stand it.
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Hi, Carolyn. I'm glad you got into the blog this time; though you're short by two posts, it's absolutely a big improvement! Your writing is pretty good. However, as an example, I'll rewrite this post so you can compare mine to yours and see clearly what sort of mistakes you have. Mostly I think it's just that your writing can be made smoother and more natural; more reading will cure that, I hope.
Don't use 'although' and 'but' in the same sentence; they have the same function. Also you sometimes use words that are not exactly suitable to the context, such as "nearly" in the last sentence.
Here is the rewrite. Grade is 77.
Today's weather is windy and rainy; it makes me feel very cold. The weather station said that there's a typhoon coming, so in the next few days it will rain a lot and get much colder than before. Actually, I don't like the winter, because I feel cold all the time--I especially hate it when there is a cold air mass. I like hot weather more than cold weather. Though I feel hot in the summer, I can always turn on the air conditioner to feel more comfortable. I hope that winter won't last too long this year. I can hardly stand it.
Chris O'Brien
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